Recently I was sharing with a close friend of mine about raising kids who are now young adults. Mums love to talk about their children, no doubt about that. Equally so, mums love to be involved in their children’s lives every step of the way. It is what we do well simply because we are nurturers at heart and life coaches in every season or stage of their lives. We fondly recall the mountains and valleys, the wet and dry seasons, precious seedlings and beautiful blooms, sunrises and sunsets, ebbing and flowing tides of life, of our children's lives just like it was yesterday.
It is in the blink of an eye that you realise they are not so little anymore. As we observe their transformation from one stage to the other, to inevitably become young adults, there comes a whole plethora of emotions around letting go, moving forward and maintaining a safe distance, which can be particularly overwhelming when parenting young people. We can never be objective where their welfare or future is concerned. We are completely biased, unashamedly too!
I’ve come to realise that one of the most pinnacle moments in a young person’s life can be captured within the years transitioning from high school to university to a career. This process can be effortless, with the right grades and extra curricula activities, talents and mindset, lived experiences and background, connections and networks, coaching and counselling, and resources and above all, timing. But the real success lies in overcoming adversity, if there is none, nothing is learned and nothing gained. So expect adversity!
Thankfully, mums are the most affordable coaches available out there. They might not know it all, but they have their children’s best interests at heart, always. And that is more than enough these days because their formidable strength and unwavering determination was purposed for such a time as this. However, that being said, how we manage or project our expectations or fears can have a negative impact on the narrative. Our dream to become a lawyer or going to university doesn’t have to be theirs unless it is genuinely their aspiration not yours. It requires a whole new level of patience and self control to be in this space, and you have to be a good listener to get the ‘desired’ results.
I have been coaching a client whose mum was a close friend of mine, it provided an interesting experience and dynamic to our relationship. And to have the opportunity to reflect on her coaching journey with her mum, and also to learn of her her mum’s observations during her coaching, was a first for me. It was like a parent teacher conference. However, we were not talking about their grades but instead the progress made into a career that was long time coming (more on this in another blog post). Perhaps, the most beautiful takeaway was that both, mum and daughter, had developed a renewed or deeper appreciation for each other and both were pursuing new opportunities for growth in their own lives. Keep learning and growing, your kids need to see that learning doesn’t cease at some point in the future!
From one mother to another, we share the same hopes and desires for our children. We also recognise that sometimes we have to step back to allow them to figure it out on their own, to use the professional help available to them, to make their own mistakes and self discoveries, and more importantly, they have to learn to pick themselves up and move forward. Because the only thing that truly matters is that you have reared, taught, carried, guided and prayed over them but also loved them unconditionally and at some point, the training wheels will have to come off.
This is when you realise that you are now coaching, being present and indirectly parenting. Everything they have learned, that you have taught, will have to be applied now. This is where the fruit of your labour becomes tangible. And you can safely step back.
Thank you to all mums, for all the work that goes on behind the scenes. Job well done.
Hope you were blessed by this post, send me a message or leave a comment.